Who Let My Blog Out?

'Alien'

I think it’s fair to say that the alien in the movie of the same name died of a heroine...

May 31st

Make Love in the Club?

I think once you exchange the bedroom for an overpopulated dance floor, the candles for strobe...

May 30th

Why do I get the feeling my school’s science club has...

May 29th

Sometimes, [attempting] alphabetical order really...

May 28th

Sorry emo kids, you’ll have to do your “Internal...

May 27th

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Two days ago I went to the bank.  As I was walking back to my car, I saw an elderly gentleman...

May 26th

Least Sexy Text Message that Guarantees...

come ovr… im ovul8ing

May 25th

Uncouth is Wasted on the Young

Now that the standards of scholastic propriety has been established, I think kindergarten would be...

May 24th

The Problem with Music Today

I was listening to the radio yesterday and realized what’s wrong with music nowadays-...

May 23rd

'Do Not Enter'

While I was driving yesterday, I saw a “Do Not Enter” sign in front of a funeral home. ...

May 22nd

Tonight... at 11.

I think the news would be more interesting if instead of a meterologist, they employed a meaty...

May 21st

"What I Would Do With $10,000,000" -...

If I had ten million dollars I would buy a movie theater size TV screen for my room.  With the left...

May 20th

"2 Haikus" - May 21, 1999 [My Personal...

Summer Summer is awesome I really like it a lot We are out of school Winter Winter is...

May 20th

"Mark McGwire" - April 20, 1999

Mark McGwire has red hair and a red goatee.  He is tall and very powerful.  He broke the MLB home...

May 18th

"Best Birthday I've Had" - March 12,...

The best birthday I’ve ever had was my 12th birthday because almost everyone I invited came...

May 17th

"She's All That" - March 5, 1999

My favorite movie is “She’s All That”.  It is about the most popular kid in this...

May 17th

Sixth Grade Journal

Unlike my previous, [hopefully] obviously fake post about a notebook from my childhood, I actually...

May 17th

You Say Tomato, I Say Sex Offender

Why is it that if I started Kidz Mobile, a cell phone service provider, and marketed it exclusively...

May 15th

A Fire Drill?

My girlfriend’s dorm was treated to a 1:30 am fire alarm awakening this morning.  The...

May 14th

Club Girl #1: Oh, wait, is there the fire alarm going off?
Sarah (my girlfriend): Yes...
Me: No, we all just got sick of it in there, so we're leaving.
Club Girl #2: (On her cell-phone, presumably to Frat Guy #1) Wait, don't come over yet, there might be a fire drill.

May 14th

“She’s got hair on her… She’s a pisser.”
— Old lady in Bertucci’s,...

May 14th

I Have a Dream: The Emancipation...

Last night I had a dream that the end of slavery came about because of a two-event sporting...

May 12th

Better or Worse?

Would “Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis be better or worse if it turned out to be...

May 11th

Why Judy Blume Writes for Girls

“Are you there God?  It’s me, Brendan.  I just discovered masturbating.  It’s so...

May 10th

Blast from the Past

The other day I found a notebook I had in grade school.  Amidst all of those stylized S designs (you...

May 9th

A Word to the Wise

Though it may seem like a funny joke at the time, parents of CCD kids don’t laugh when they...

May 9th

Well, I Passed All My Classes

But, immediately after hearing the news, I was diagnosed with Senioritis. The doctors all try to...

May 7th

“You gotta get scrubbed down and then it’s time to rock...”
— Old guy sitting next to me at...

May 6th

Celebrity Sighting

Tonight, at the bar/restaurant Rosy Tomorrows in Danbury, I saw Keanu Reeves. The meal wasn’t...

May 6th

Road Trips

When making a CD for a long drive, my advice would be to make sure that any song you pick would work...

May 4th

Ugh... Don't Be Such a Homophone

I think it’s awesome to replace the word “meet” with “meat”. There. ...

May 3rd

"Two Guys & a Truck"

I saw a truck with this emblazoned on the sides of it.  Now, I’ve seen what two members the...

May 2nd

Toilet Humor

Do you think Ron Jeremy uses his foot to flush public toilets?  Because, I mean, there’s...

May 2nd

Man accused of trying to cash check for...

May 2nd

Athlete's Foot

How can a medical term be so generalizing? What if we started calling obesity “fat guy...

May 1st