Who Let My Blog Out?

I’m thankful that Marty McFly went back in time to prevent this from being our reality.

I’m thankful that Rocky Balboa ended the Cold War.

steveagee:

I love Norm MacDonald so much! Norm reads off a list of things he’s thankful for this year.

His list was pretty exhaustive, but I especially agreed with his sentiment pertaining to Friends.

This is my favorite video ever.

phazerblast:

The comcast description guy must have had a rough breakup (via)

I think the people who write these descriptions must have the best senses of humor ever.

» Apatow, Universal pick up pitches - Ansari, Woliner score with trio of comedy concepts

azizisbored:

I’m very excited to announce that Jason Woliner and I have sold 3 movies to Judd Apatow and Universal! I am attached to star and Jason will direct.

One idea is tentatively titled “Let’s Do This” and is a road movie about two guys that work for a motivational speaking company.

Another idea is about two disgraced astronauts who have to go back to space to clear their names.

And the other idea is a movie based around Randy, my character from “Funny People.”

We’re currently working on all three ideas now and haven’t decided which we will go with first.

Needless to say, we are very excited to be working with Judd on these projects. Unfortunately, this does however put Jason and I’s plan to remake Short Circuit 2 (with myself playing the Michael McKean role in a revolutionary new makeup technique called “peachface”) on hold indefinitely.

Day=made

Really?

erockappel:

God help us.

What I’ve learned from this video: hammers can ‘clamp’ and logic is obviously a socialist construct which these folks carefully (and successfully) avoid.

No, fuck you, you uppity bitch.

I hope Satan tells you to ‘Shh’ as you burn in eternal hellfire.

Dear Arlington (VA) Public Library,

You had a collection agency call my cell phone and leave a not-very-nice message encouraging me to pay the $43 fine I owe to your library as soon as humanly possible to avoid further problems. This, of course, pertaining to the two books on the Lindbergh kidnapping that I took out for a paper FIVE YEARS AGO and had never heard word one about in as many years.

Fine, odds are I got drunk and lost your books, I probably owe you that money. So I sent along the check promptly, complete with a very nice handwritten note. The very least you could do is cash it, right? Instead of sitting on it for weeks? I still don’t know if you’ve even gotten this check. It was so important that I had to receive a voice mail that made me feel like I was a felon, but once you get it, it’s just no a priority? Fuck you and the horse you rode in.

I can honestly say I will never take out another book from your piece of shit library. As a matter of fact, I’m actively trying to forget how to read right now just to spite you.

mikekarnell:

I would sleep in this everyday.

I would sleep in it AND shower in it. And make sweet, passionate love to it.

itsalwayssunny:

Charlie: WHY DO WE NEVER PLAY NIGHT CRAWLERS ANYMORE, HUH?
Frank: I don’t know, Charlie!
Dee: What is Night Crawlers?
Dennis: It’s a game where they crawl around at ni— in the night like worms.
Charlie: I never said that.
Frank: Well, that’s what it is.
Charlie: INTERVENTION, INTERVENTION! IS NOTHING PRIVATE, FRANK!? JEEEESUSSS. Look, I like that game, I don’t wanna stop playing it.
Frank: Charlie, we can play that game!
Charlie: Promise!?
Frank: Yeah!
Charlie: Woo! YEAHHHH.

My life would be complete if I could find someone to play Night Crawlers with.

Any takers?